So I mentioned that I was signed up to jitterbug in public. It went well, not least because it was a much easier and less stressful situation than I had imagined. I was definitely jitterbugging in public, but it wasn't "all eyes on me" as I'd feared. I was in a crowd of other noobs jitterbugging at the same time. I tried really hard to get out of my head and just have fun and see what happened, with mixed success. I did notice that I didn't attempt the double arm lift / arm slide combination that I just barely feel I have a handle on. If I had tried that (even if I'd failed miserably), then that would have been something. I tell myself that it's totally appropriate to avoid a technique I'm not sure of in a performance, but honestly, it's not like it really would have mattered. I'm happy that I'm at least doing some stuff mostly by body reflex rather than thinking my way through, but I'm not thrilled with my tendency to play it safe. I am happy that I didn't let down the team.
My enthusiasm for the waltz led me a bit astray (again) during the party. I heard a waltz starting up, and found a partner and asked her to dance. As we got out there everyone started spinning and moving and flowing and I realized that this was a Viennese waltz, which (as I've mentioned) is currently out of my depth. And the music didn't feel like the slow waltz was an option. At least I have some coping strategies to mitigate the problem caused by my dancing limits. I headed to the middle of the dance floor so as to minimize the obstruction we were about to become, had a chat with my partner that was equal parts apology, explanation, and brainstorming, and we clunked our way through it despite my error. She was a very good sport, made a few suggestions, and then just locked in to try to follow whatever I was trying to do. Since I was making stuff up, this was a considerable challenge. Respect. By the end we were doing something that was more or less keeping up with the music, but I honestly couldn't tell you what my feet were doing and there was nothing else going on, other than focusing on footwork. I don't think any toes were lost in the escapade.
This all was part of a party the Dance studio was throwing for students. It was a much, much bigger thing than my little bit, with workshops, and performances by students with lots of feedback from itinerant experts as well as the staff, lots of social dancing, good food, and dance demonstrations from the staff pros. It was a really good time. The pros did some awesome numbers with complex choreography and snappy costumes, and those were very fun to watch. I'm sure I'll be even more impressed as I learn just what it is that's going on. They're a long, long way from quick, quick, slow....
The other thing I'm very impressed by is how hard the staff worked to make sure everyone had a good time. It had to be a very long day, and they were dancing their feet off, and they kept hitting it hard right to the end. In one small example, during the awards ceremony at the end of the day, the men at the dance studio were making a point of escorting their female students up to receive their awards and recognition, in a very gallant and chivalrous way - Making it a little flourish. Not in a show off, "look at me" kind of way, but in a wonderful, masculine, generous "Look at her" sort of way. It was considerate and admirable, and it looked good too. It's a joy to watch a man who's really in touch with his body move, and it's wonderful how much can be communicated by every movement.
I want that too.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
How it all began
I never thought I'd be taking dance lessons. I've been on a pretty deliberate self improvement kick for a year or two and dance lessons weren't on the short list. They weren't even on the long list. They weren't on ANY list. If you'd have suggested them, I'd have reacted like most men I know - like I was going to get cooties. And I'm not kidding - people HAVE suggested dance lessons to me in the past, and I sneered and ridiculed them. So I owe all those people an apology now - if you're one of them, find me and remind me, and I'll apologize and buy you a coffee or something.
So as a warning to other young men, here is my story. Here is how they suck you in and trap you in an experience that will enrich your character, expand your horizons and change your life.
I was eating dinner at a club one night, and instead of the usual karaoke or kickball crowd (really, I swear, they have tee shirts and everything...), people began showing up. People dressed to go out. I notice these people are pretty fit and slender, which is, sadly, rare enough to make them stand out. One lass shows up, and this girl is Put Together for an Event. She's got the sexy heels, and is in an actual dress which is also, sadly, rare around here. Whoever she's meeting will definintely be glad to see her. She heads over by where the DJ is set up, and where I now see a big happy guy in a Hawaiian shirt. I'm a nerd, so I'm not sure, but "Hawaiian shirt" feels different than "dressed to go out". If she's there to meet him, they didn't coordinate that much...
Anyway, the DJ is spinning Latin beats and these people start dancing. Like for-real dancing, not random twitching, You know, spinning and turning and stuff. Coordinated movement between two people. Like that. Hawaiian shirt guy gets even happier, because he's the only guy there so far, and he's in high demand, he needs one of those "take a number" machines. To me he doesn't look like he's the best dancer in the world - some of the time he's not moving his feet at all, he's just concentrating on spinning his partner. But when he moves it works, so he's got some kind of training or practice in his background. What he's doing looks totally doable. And he's having as much fun as is permitted by law.
Of course (as I would learn in my very first lesson), Dancing isn't about the guy, it's about showing off the lady. And these ladies are having fun and showing off. Put Together Woman (who we will now call the DanceEvangelista, for reasons which will soon become obvious) is a really, really good dancer. In my experience, there are two levels of good in most things. There is level one of good, which is totally obvious if you know something about the activity, but which is often lost on the outsider, and there's level two good, which is obvious even to an outsider, and as you learn more about it, just gets more and more impressive. The DanceEvangelista is level two good, and it showed even to my untrained eye in the span of about 15 minutes.
Some other Gentlemen show up, including Mustachios and Slender Latin Fella, and these guys are clearly better dancers than Hawaiian Shirt is. I 'm starting to see what is possible, but Hawaiian Shirt keeps reminding me it would probably be pretty easy to get started. And everybody is just having too much fun.
Of course, I'm too self-conscious to actually try anything, or ask any questions, but I am very much enjoying the show, and it's dawning on me why my Mom and everybody else kept saying that I should take Dance lessons. People come in and out, everybody has a different style, but the theme is "fun".
I get ready to leave, and I'm disappointed to notice that the DanceEvangelista has apparently left. Oh well, I guess I won't be learning to dance after all. I could ask one of the remaining dancers, but they're all the way Over There and the door is Right Here... (yes, I make excuses. I'm aware. Deal with it.)
Still, a pretty good night, all in all. Maybe I'll find out about dance lessons someday. I get in my car and head out.
And lo and behold, I drive past the DanceEvangelista and her boyfriend getting into a car in the parking lot. Sometimes the Universe is willing to give you ANOTHER hint. What the hell. I roll down my window and say "You guys were having too much fun, that's great" ... "Thanks" ... I ask "how would I get started ...?" And that triggers the DancEvangelista like she's an attack dog that just got the command. She more or less shoves the boyfriend out of the way and tells me "I'm an instructor at such-and-such studio, we have an introductory package that ...." I swear if she'd had a business card on her, I'm sure it would have been flicked into the center of my forehead like a ninja star. "Uhhhh... Thanks and good night".
In a couple of days, I make an appointment at the Dance Studio and show up to see what's what. I chat with a very pleasant, confident, mellow guy, and then he hands me over to Teach for my intro lesson. Teach asks me enough about myself to get a feel for how I learn, and immediately gets the fact that I'm a nerdly type that lives all up in my head. Not that I hide that, but it's cool that she's trying to reach me where I live. I'm not the first nerd they've taught, of course. I end the lesson only fractionally better than I began, but that's actually pretty impressive considering my total lack of experience or even a mental framework for any of this.
And there are other dancers there, Instructors and students, moving with grace and style. Inspiring, and awesome, and enviable. And some students that are on the wrong foot or locking up in confusion, or asking questions, all of which I've already done, and will clearly keep doing for a while.
And then the DanceEvangelista grabs me and gets a chance to do the OTHER thing she does really, really well - selling. And I say this with the highest respect - in a previous job I was the designated nerd for our sales staff, and I know second hand how important and difficult a job sales is. A good salesperson helps you see what's possible and shows you how your life can be made better, and makes it real to you. And the DanceEvangelista is hitting it out of the park, in addition to literally being a walking advertisement for dance awesomeness. (I'm starting to kinda hope she doesn't read this - wouldn't want her to get a big head....) It helps that she really, really believes in her product, and the staff, and the program, with good reason. It's frankly overwhelming. I know I'm a dilettante that's likely to lose interest and wander off after a while, and this is clearly her Life's Purpose (tm). That's intimidating to those of us who don't have one, and aren't likely to. But intimidated or not, there's fun and challenge and masculinity and grace over that horizon, and so I'm in.
So as a warning to other young men, here is my story. Here is how they suck you in and trap you in an experience that will enrich your character, expand your horizons and change your life.
I was eating dinner at a club one night, and instead of the usual karaoke or kickball crowd (really, I swear, they have tee shirts and everything...), people began showing up. People dressed to go out. I notice these people are pretty fit and slender, which is, sadly, rare enough to make them stand out. One lass shows up, and this girl is Put Together for an Event. She's got the sexy heels, and is in an actual dress which is also, sadly, rare around here. Whoever she's meeting will definintely be glad to see her. She heads over by where the DJ is set up, and where I now see a big happy guy in a Hawaiian shirt. I'm a nerd, so I'm not sure, but "Hawaiian shirt" feels different than "dressed to go out". If she's there to meet him, they didn't coordinate that much...
Anyway, the DJ is spinning Latin beats and these people start dancing. Like for-real dancing, not random twitching, You know, spinning and turning and stuff. Coordinated movement between two people. Like that. Hawaiian shirt guy gets even happier, because he's the only guy there so far, and he's in high demand, he needs one of those "take a number" machines. To me he doesn't look like he's the best dancer in the world - some of the time he's not moving his feet at all, he's just concentrating on spinning his partner. But when he moves it works, so he's got some kind of training or practice in his background. What he's doing looks totally doable. And he's having as much fun as is permitted by law.
Of course (as I would learn in my very first lesson), Dancing isn't about the guy, it's about showing off the lady. And these ladies are having fun and showing off. Put Together Woman (who we will now call the DanceEvangelista, for reasons which will soon become obvious) is a really, really good dancer. In my experience, there are two levels of good in most things. There is level one of good, which is totally obvious if you know something about the activity, but which is often lost on the outsider, and there's level two good, which is obvious even to an outsider, and as you learn more about it, just gets more and more impressive. The DanceEvangelista is level two good, and it showed even to my untrained eye in the span of about 15 minutes.
Some other Gentlemen show up, including Mustachios and Slender Latin Fella, and these guys are clearly better dancers than Hawaiian Shirt is. I 'm starting to see what is possible, but Hawaiian Shirt keeps reminding me it would probably be pretty easy to get started. And everybody is just having too much fun.
Of course, I'm too self-conscious to actually try anything, or ask any questions, but I am very much enjoying the show, and it's dawning on me why my Mom and everybody else kept saying that I should take Dance lessons. People come in and out, everybody has a different style, but the theme is "fun".
I get ready to leave, and I'm disappointed to notice that the DanceEvangelista has apparently left. Oh well, I guess I won't be learning to dance after all. I could ask one of the remaining dancers, but they're all the way Over There and the door is Right Here... (yes, I make excuses. I'm aware. Deal with it.)
Still, a pretty good night, all in all. Maybe I'll find out about dance lessons someday. I get in my car and head out.
And lo and behold, I drive past the DanceEvangelista and her boyfriend getting into a car in the parking lot. Sometimes the Universe is willing to give you ANOTHER hint. What the hell. I roll down my window and say "You guys were having too much fun, that's great" ... "Thanks" ... I ask "how would I get started ...?" And that triggers the DancEvangelista like she's an attack dog that just got the command. She more or less shoves the boyfriend out of the way and tells me "I'm an instructor at such-and-such studio, we have an introductory package that ...." I swear if she'd had a business card on her, I'm sure it would have been flicked into the center of my forehead like a ninja star. "Uhhhh... Thanks and good night".
In a couple of days, I make an appointment at the Dance Studio and show up to see what's what. I chat with a very pleasant, confident, mellow guy, and then he hands me over to Teach for my intro lesson. Teach asks me enough about myself to get a feel for how I learn, and immediately gets the fact that I'm a nerdly type that lives all up in my head. Not that I hide that, but it's cool that she's trying to reach me where I live. I'm not the first nerd they've taught, of course. I end the lesson only fractionally better than I began, but that's actually pretty impressive considering my total lack of experience or even a mental framework for any of this.
And there are other dancers there, Instructors and students, moving with grace and style. Inspiring, and awesome, and enviable. And some students that are on the wrong foot or locking up in confusion, or asking questions, all of which I've already done, and will clearly keep doing for a while.
And then the DanceEvangelista grabs me and gets a chance to do the OTHER thing she does really, really well - selling. And I say this with the highest respect - in a previous job I was the designated nerd for our sales staff, and I know second hand how important and difficult a job sales is. A good salesperson helps you see what's possible and shows you how your life can be made better, and makes it real to you. And the DanceEvangelista is hitting it out of the park, in addition to literally being a walking advertisement for dance awesomeness. (I'm starting to kinda hope she doesn't read this - wouldn't want her to get a big head....) It helps that she really, really believes in her product, and the staff, and the program, with good reason. It's frankly overwhelming. I know I'm a dilettante that's likely to lose interest and wander off after a while, and this is clearly her Life's Purpose (tm). That's intimidating to those of us who don't have one, and aren't likely to. But intimidated or not, there's fun and challenge and masculinity and grace over that horizon, and so I'm in.
Waltz, Rumba and Salsa lesson notes
Tonight I had a private lesson, we worked on Rumba, Waltz and Salsa. Some of this was review, but a little new stuff. This post is mostly just my lesson notes - Converting this stuff into words helps me remember it, but probably keeps me too much up in my head. So if lesson notes sounds like an uninteresting post, you'll want to click ahead.
Waltz:
We worked on Promenade. I've done Promenade in Tango, where it is similar, and, frankly, trickier. I need to remember to elongate my frame, and I think I'm opening my hips too much in promenade. The hesitation during promenade felt very natural, but then I'm a slave to the beat.
We also did an open break - underarm turn combination. Aaaarg, the critical details are already fading!! Let's see, 1st half of a normal box then sidestep? is that right? Then back rock step Left, and lead the turn, back rock step Right, (turning...) then another hesitation before we're off to the waltzes again. I'm starting to love the hesitations in the waltz, they're subtly dramatic and they're what makes it human and to me they add so much to the flow of the dance. Without the hesitations, it could be done by clockwork dancers (which I probably resemble, but not for long....)
Salsa:
We reviewed cross body lead, and I needed the review, I wanted to start it on 3 (back step), but it needs to be set up on 2, otherwise my partner can't feel it coming. We also did a double face loop, I tend to hang on too long, in which case I tend to turn my body out, but that's not the end of the world, it's a decent set up for a cross body lead. I think getting into the Right-over-Left handshake hold to start this all is probably my biggest problem right now.
We also reviewed coaster action, which I was fine with, but I had a surprisingly hard time knowing what to do with my right foot after my left foot comes up. I need a thousand reps, as usual.
Rumba:
We also did an open break, underarm turn combo, Teach is obviously building on the Waltz lesson. I need practice rolling my left hand from the closed grip to the low open grip. And I think I am often too high with my Right arm - Teach very insightfully helped me understand that if our arms aren't nice and straight, I can't provide a strong lead. I'm starting to get my lead together on the "close the door" finale to this combination (the same motion also completes the cross body lead), and I love the way that feels when I'm leading it confidently.
The DanceEvangelista has drafted me into a little dance competition on Saturday. I'm the token noob on her team, and we're going to do a Jitterbug. I'm pushing my comfort level here, Though I'm decent at Jitterbug for all my noobness, if I do say so myself. But I'm nervous about the spotlight. Making mistakes in the middle of a crowd of other people who are all working through their own dance issues is one thing. All eyes on me and no other distractions is intimidating.
Waltz:
We worked on Promenade. I've done Promenade in Tango, where it is similar, and, frankly, trickier. I need to remember to elongate my frame, and I think I'm opening my hips too much in promenade. The hesitation during promenade felt very natural, but then I'm a slave to the beat.
We also did an open break - underarm turn combination. Aaaarg, the critical details are already fading!! Let's see, 1st half of a normal box then sidestep? is that right? Then back rock step Left, and lead the turn, back rock step Right, (turning...) then another hesitation before we're off to the waltzes again. I'm starting to love the hesitations in the waltz, they're subtly dramatic and they're what makes it human and to me they add so much to the flow of the dance. Without the hesitations, it could be done by clockwork dancers (which I probably resemble, but not for long....)
Salsa:
We reviewed cross body lead, and I needed the review, I wanted to start it on 3 (back step), but it needs to be set up on 2, otherwise my partner can't feel it coming. We also did a double face loop, I tend to hang on too long, in which case I tend to turn my body out, but that's not the end of the world, it's a decent set up for a cross body lead. I think getting into the Right-over-Left handshake hold to start this all is probably my biggest problem right now.
We also reviewed coaster action, which I was fine with, but I had a surprisingly hard time knowing what to do with my right foot after my left foot comes up. I need a thousand reps, as usual.
Rumba:
We also did an open break, underarm turn combo, Teach is obviously building on the Waltz lesson. I need practice rolling my left hand from the closed grip to the low open grip. And I think I am often too high with my Right arm - Teach very insightfully helped me understand that if our arms aren't nice and straight, I can't provide a strong lead. I'm starting to get my lead together on the "close the door" finale to this combination (the same motion also completes the cross body lead), and I love the way that feels when I'm leading it confidently.
The DanceEvangelista has drafted me into a little dance competition on Saturday. I'm the token noob on her team, and we're going to do a Jitterbug. I'm pushing my comfort level here, Though I'm decent at Jitterbug for all my noobness, if I do say so myself. But I'm nervous about the spotlight. Making mistakes in the middle of a crowd of other people who are all working through their own dance issues is one thing. All eyes on me and no other distractions is intimidating.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Dancing with civilians
Well, I had a fun time last night. Learned some stuff.
Ballroom vs combat
OK, country dancing seen from a ballroom perspective is one thing, and what happens out in the world is entirely another. I'm used to only getting only momentary glimpses of the basic footwork under all the variations and enhancements when I watch the advanced students at the dance studio. But some of these folks were just doing basics and the footwork was different than anything I've seen. Now I'm not a dance historian, and it feels like the definitions are pretty loose (what I call the progressive two-step you may call a Texas two-step or a country two-step), but I sure couldn't figure out most couples' footwork even when there was a couple that was just basic-stepping around. It reminded me of High School, when I took Spanish so I'd be able to eavesdrop in the hallways, only to discover that the Spanish in the hallways and the Spanish in the classroom had almost nothing to do with each other. Maybe the lesson here is that it matters less than I think - I do tend to geek out on the details.
Traffic control
At one point a fast song came on that I thought I could jitterbug to. I ended up dancing with a friend who's pretty darn good, and we had a good time, but I foolishly started out kind of in a corner and of course we wandered into the line of dance. One couple in particular very nearly ran us over twice. It felt like a jerk move on his part, but maybe he was trying to make a point. I know better than to be doing a spot dance anywhere but right under the disco ball (in this case, a mirrored saddle, which every country bar should have).
Risk
I need to be much more willing to lead a spin and take some other chances. I spent more time than I like just motoring around the floor with basic footwork. Some of this is just me being timid in a new environment. Some of this is I'm not sure what my options are. Some of it is that stuff felt a lot less secure and more "wrong" out in the world, because of insufficient...
Frame
Dancing with civilians (versus folks at the dance studio) was a real eye-opener. Ladies, you need a frame too. The man you're dancing with needs your frame. It was like trying to steer a jello - it doesn't actually fight you at all, but you can't tell what's happening. It was much harder than it had to be to even tell if we were in sync, which means for the most part we weren't. I ended up having to be much more assertive than I'm used to at the dance studio. One sure way to move a jello is to just bulldoze it - but that barely counts as dancing. It appears that some gentlemen have decided to solve this problem with a giant dose of...
Chutzpah
Another pattern I saw a few times is that brazen self-confidence and unself-consciousness is frequently substituted for Rhythm and skill. There was this one dude, that wasn't doing any recognizable dance at ALL, whose beat had nothing whatsoever to do with the music, and who frequently got too busy yanking his partner through spins and flips and loop de loops and immelmanns to move his feet at all (she loved it). He was doing his same, very dynamic moves at the same brisk pace to everything - slow country, fast country, country rock, blues. And when his rhythm happened to mesh with the song, he didn't even keep that, particularly. He wasn't the only one, another fellow had a less advanced case. It was the bastard child of two-stepping and moshing. There were some very good and controlled and elegant dancers there, and at first I admired the professionals and disdained the guy who was mosh-stepping. But here's the deal. He was having as much fun as they were. And so was his partner. Possibly more. I ended up envying his lack of self-doubt. That's the kind of confidence and joy and exuberance that I hope Dancing will help me to express. Eventually. I doubt I'm temperamentally suited to the "get drunk and jump around" approach, but the dude had something wild and raw and cool going on.
Dance on.
Ballroom vs combat
OK, country dancing seen from a ballroom perspective is one thing, and what happens out in the world is entirely another. I'm used to only getting only momentary glimpses of the basic footwork under all the variations and enhancements when I watch the advanced students at the dance studio. But some of these folks were just doing basics and the footwork was different than anything I've seen. Now I'm not a dance historian, and it feels like the definitions are pretty loose (what I call the progressive two-step you may call a Texas two-step or a country two-step), but I sure couldn't figure out most couples' footwork even when there was a couple that was just basic-stepping around. It reminded me of High School, when I took Spanish so I'd be able to eavesdrop in the hallways, only to discover that the Spanish in the hallways and the Spanish in the classroom had almost nothing to do with each other. Maybe the lesson here is that it matters less than I think - I do tend to geek out on the details.
Traffic control
At one point a fast song came on that I thought I could jitterbug to. I ended up dancing with a friend who's pretty darn good, and we had a good time, but I foolishly started out kind of in a corner and of course we wandered into the line of dance. One couple in particular very nearly ran us over twice. It felt like a jerk move on his part, but maybe he was trying to make a point. I know better than to be doing a spot dance anywhere but right under the disco ball (in this case, a mirrored saddle, which every country bar should have).
Risk
I need to be much more willing to lead a spin and take some other chances. I spent more time than I like just motoring around the floor with basic footwork. Some of this is just me being timid in a new environment. Some of this is I'm not sure what my options are. Some of it is that stuff felt a lot less secure and more "wrong" out in the world, because of insufficient...
Frame
Dancing with civilians (versus folks at the dance studio) was a real eye-opener. Ladies, you need a frame too. The man you're dancing with needs your frame. It was like trying to steer a jello - it doesn't actually fight you at all, but you can't tell what's happening. It was much harder than it had to be to even tell if we were in sync, which means for the most part we weren't. I ended up having to be much more assertive than I'm used to at the dance studio. One sure way to move a jello is to just bulldoze it - but that barely counts as dancing. It appears that some gentlemen have decided to solve this problem with a giant dose of...
Chutzpah
Another pattern I saw a few times is that brazen self-confidence and unself-consciousness is frequently substituted for Rhythm and skill. There was this one dude, that wasn't doing any recognizable dance at ALL, whose beat had nothing whatsoever to do with the music, and who frequently got too busy yanking his partner through spins and flips and loop de loops and immelmanns to move his feet at all (she loved it). He was doing his same, very dynamic moves at the same brisk pace to everything - slow country, fast country, country rock, blues. And when his rhythm happened to mesh with the song, he didn't even keep that, particularly. He wasn't the only one, another fellow had a less advanced case. It was the bastard child of two-stepping and moshing. There were some very good and controlled and elegant dancers there, and at first I admired the professionals and disdained the guy who was mosh-stepping. But here's the deal. He was having as much fun as they were. And so was his partner. Possibly more. I ended up envying his lack of self-doubt. That's the kind of confidence and joy and exuberance that I hope Dancing will help me to express. Eventually. I doubt I'm temperamentally suited to the "get drunk and jump around" approach, but the dude had something wild and raw and cool going on.
Dance on.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Taking it on the road
I'm going two-stepping with friends tonight. After my last post I decided I needed to get over myself and go out and dance in public. So I set a date and invited everybody.
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