No way to say

One of the wonderful things about dancing, for nerds like me, is the social protocol.  There's an accepted way to interact.  But no protocol covers everything, and there's some important things you just can't say.

There's an accepted etiquette for asking another person to dance, leading and following are recognized roles (and skills), you learn how to signal a turn and how to share the floor with other couples.   It seems like at least sixty percent of dancing is communication with your partner.

I get a lot wrong, but I've got really strong rhythm.  I forget the steps, I can't get out of my head, my weight often is on the wrong foot, and my hips - the tragedy of my hips is monumental.  I'm often doing completely the wrong thing, but I'm generally doing it on the beat.  I can always hear the beat, I know when to start, and I know when I'm off.  My teachers have commented on it, and they're not kidding.  If the music that happens to be playing is wrong for my lesson, the lesson is twice as hard.  Currently, my whole rationale for dancing is "She ought to feel the beat in your body".

I danced with a new partner recently and we couldn't get in sync.  The rhythm I was hearing and the rhythm I was feeling in her were just off.  I'm not talking about swinging around the beat, the way jazz does.  She was just off and, worse, inconsistent.  I restarted a couple of times.   I said things like "I think we're out of sync" and "I don't think we're on the beat".  I tried to lead bigger. I tried to firm up my frame.  I counted in my head.  I counted out loud.   I tried to ignore the music.  I tried to dance to her beat.  But I never managed to get synced up with this particular partner.

Late in the dance, visibly frustrated, she  said "you're not on the beat", and she honestly meant well by it, was trying to help with all her heart.  There was no doubt in her mind.  I try really hard to take criticism well.  Everybody there has been dancing longer than me, and the list of things I haven't learned dwarfs the seven I have. 

But she was wrong.  She was the one off the beat.  I didn't want to argue with her and I wasn't going to be able to really help either of us.

What can you say, other than "thanks for the dance"?